What Does your Support System Look Like?

What does your support system look like? More importantly, what is support? Support is defined in the dictionary as: to bear all or part of the weight; provide assistance; hold up. Sometimes when we think about support we cringe. Some of us struggle to accept help. But, how many of you rush to grab the door at the grocery store when someone is struggling? How often do you go to the aid of a family member or friend? My guess would be that whether it be friends, family, neighbors, colleagues, or a stranger you have met on the street you provide aid and support more often than you realize. So why is it that you struggle to accept the help you so willingly offer?

One of the most common things that I hear is, “I don’t have a support system”. You may need to build your support network back up, but do you really have no one in your life that offers you support? I often take for granted the supports in my life. But as I looked deeper I realize how much support I really do have. When I come home there is a golden retriever ready to help wash away the stress from work with a big smile. I have friends that I can call in good times and bad. Neighbors that provide assistance when I am running late or run out of the essential ingredient needed to finish dinner. A support system is not one thing it’s all the people, animals, and things that you utilize. Perhaps your support system includes a trainer at the gym, a doctor, therapist, teacher; there are no set rules.

By now I hope you have come to realize that support systems extend well beyond family. Take a moment and think about the people that you interact with throughout life. If you have a piece of paper start jotting down people…or animals, that you have depended on, could ask for help, or know would offer you assistance. Different people will support you in different ways. Some may be able to help you financially, another might be a great listener, or you might have a friend that is great at getting you out of the house. Different people can offer different types of support all of which are important.

Now when we are struggling emotionally like in the case of depression it is not uncommon for us to push people away. Often patients will say, “I didn’t want to drag them down with me” or “I didn’t have the energy to keep it up”. Allowing someone to see your pain does not mean forcing them to feel it. Depression is incredibly common, and it is likely that some people in your support network have had their own struggles. Will they be able to lift you out of depression? Probably not, but they can be present with you in the moment. No on should have to go it alone. Depression is hard enough, why allow isolation to take hold as well? On the other hand, some report that it is draining to maintain relationships. What are you trying to do? If you are trying to maintain the façade of someone that is doing well, it is understandable that you would feel exhausted. It requires vulnerability to let someone see you struggling. But, the only way someone can help and be that support is if they are aware. Why fake it?

There are a few things that we could all do better when it comes to nurturing our support network. I know that sounds a little strange nurturing our support network but give me a moment. We all develop relationships just by going through the motions of life. Are you working to foster relationships in people that you meet? Are you taking the time to check in with friends you have spoken to in some time? When we are in a place we can it is important to make sure we are connecting with those that are important in our lives. It is all to easy to prioritize work and other things over our connections but that’s a mistake.

The next piece is knowing when and how to ask for support. I don’t know about you, but I am not related or connected to anyone that is a mind reader. They try but don’t always know how I am feeling or what I need. There is a very simple way to solve this…tell them. If you can verbalize what you need you help yourself. But, communication also helps the people that are struggling to figure out how to help. When you’re anxious do you like space, comfort, quiet, or distraction? There are so many different things that can offer relief, but it depends on the individual. Communicating what works for you whether it be when you are anxious, depressed, or suffering in any other way you enable your support network to function at its best.

So what steps and take-aways should you consider from this article? You have a support network even if it is not the most traditional. You can work to continue to develop this network when you are well. Talk with your support system and let them know how you are feeling. Be clear on how others can support you when you are struggling.

As always if you have any questions please feel free to contact Woodruff Counseling. You can also leave comments below.