Bad Behaviors…Or is it Something Else

A child’s behaviors can be a key indicator into how they are feeling and processing emotions. Any significant change should be noted and discussed with relevant individuals such as teachers, doctors, and other caregivers. Children have normal developmental phases in which they will challenge authority, act out, need more attention, as a few examples. Part of growing up is learning to self-regulate emotions, navigate social situations, and sometimes dealing with loss or trauma.

What are somethings to pay attention to? Always pay attention to significant changes. Often times a change in behavior is a child’s way of communicating. Acting out may be a way of saying, “mom I need a hug”. Refusing to get ready for school could be, “someone has been picking on me”. There are 100s of explanations for each behavior.

So how do you know why your child has changed? All children that are verbal should be approached with an age appropriate conversation. Try to create a safe non-confrontational environment to discuss the observed change. Mom, “I have had to put you on a time out a lot more than normal. You are usually so well behaved. What has been happening lately? It seems to me like something might be bothering you? What can we do to get you back on track?” It is amazing how much you can gain from a frank conversation. If you start the dialogue and create a feeling of openness your youngster may surprise you.

With kids that are non-verbal consider what the behaviors are accomplishing. Does their act elicit a response from a parent or caregiver? What does that response accomplish? Sometimes behaviors are typical phases that children go through as they age. Always consider the context. If you are recently divorced and they are fighting childcare there may be feelings of instability. If the behaviors seems to have come out or know where, does not make sense for their developmental age, and continues it may be time to contact your pediatrician.

Understanding a behavior may or may not mean that you change what you are doing as a parent. In most instances the discipline if appropriate will remain the same. But, in some cases if you have an awareness that your child has unmet needs you may take action. In some cases, this might mean putting aside more time to spend with your youngster. Other cases might require a visit to the pediatrician to see what can be done. Talking with teachers can also be an important point of information and they can often guide you with information, tools, and suggestions. Depending on precipitating events such as a loss, bullying, or major life change your child might benefit from talking to a qualified professional.

No matter what is going on here are some of the key things to remember:

1. Talk with your child and learn more about how they are feeling
2. Remember that you are not alone. Talk with teachers, pediatricians, and consider a therapist.
3. Life happens. You cannot protect your kids from all loss and pain. Consider some events a chance for you to demonstrate healthy coping skills and emotional awareness.